Fearing Death

Fearing Death

If you understand—things are just as they are. If you do not understand—things are just as they are. —Zen saying

From the universal perspective, all things that are born eventually die. Death comes to our best friends and family members, sometimes even to young children. When we grieve, we join in the universal grieving for all those who have died. This is not a tragedy; it is wisdom. From the universal perspective, life is all the more precious and beautiful because it is so fleeting.

Death is natural. Many people are sick and some will die this year. Some will live years longer and then die. This is our human lot. Because modern culture fosters an intense identification with the outer appearance of the body, going beyond it is not easy. We devote enormous amounts of time to how we look, to dressing, adorning, and strengthening the body. Yet no matter how we cling, as we age the body betrays us. If we limit ourselves to the fulfillment of bodily desires and believe that the body is who we are, when we face aging, sickness, difficulties, and death we will be lost and frightened.

My teacher Ajahn Chah explains, “We only rent this house. If it belonged to us, we could tell it not to get sick, not to grow old. But it takes no notice of these wishes. With wisdom, if you live, that’s good. And when you have to die, that’s fine too. If the doctors told me I had cancer and was going to die in a few months, I’d remind the doctors, ‘Watch out, because death is coming to get you too. It’s just a question of who goes first.’ ”

In the West, we resist reflecting on aging and death because dying is held as failure and it frightens us. In the Buddhist approach, we deliberately turn to face death so that it can bring wisdom, perspective, and a motivation to live each day fully and well.

For many of us there may be a strong fear of dying. What is this fear of death about? When we don’t clearly understand the nature of our mind and body, this fear and resistance to looking at decay and death may be very strong. We think that this mind-body is something solid and secure, that it is the person who we are.

Naturally, when we have this viewpoint, the possibility of the death can be frightening; it feels like a betrayal of our innermost beliefs about who we are and who is in control.

But as we open to the nature of our mind-body, we see that it is literally—not metaphorically—being born and dying in every moment. Our breath, our heartbeats, our thoughts all arise as pulsing waves. We see that there is nothing solid, nothing static, nothing steady that goes from one year to the next, one month to the next, one moment to the next. The mind-body is a flux of constant creation and dissolution. There is no possibility of holding on, although sometimes we try very hard to do so. When we experience this process of change in a very immediate and intimate way, we realize that who we are is the ever-changing waves, and the fear of death begins to dissolve because we see that there never has been anything solid or permanent. We no longer consider death some kind of failure, apart from the natural order of things. We can be more at peace.

Fear of Death

https://jackkornfield.com/fearing-death/

19 Quotes That Will Ease Your Anxiety About Death, Because We Really Shouldn’t Fear the Reaper

https://www.bustle.com/articles/54979-19-quotes-that-will-ease-your-anxiety-about-death-because-we-really-shouldnt-fear-the-reaper

🖖🏼 live long and prosper

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Stop extrapolating your perceptions

Stop extrapolating your perceptions

Hey there, it going? The other day I was talking to a friend about the house prices in London.

After years of increasing prices, it seems that prices are now decreasing. When I lived in London in 2014 and 2015, I thought that would never happen.

Prices were increasing rapidly and I extrapolated my perceptions. So did many other people at the time. It’s the same thing in Amsterdam, where prices are currently still increasing.

But unfortunately, we can’t simply extrapolate everything we see. And yet, we do it all the time.

Think about it. How often do you make mental movies when someone doesn’t respond to you text, don’t hear back after a job-interview, or when you make a mistake? We’re always so quick with our judgments!

In today’s article, I give examples of why that’s dangerous. And, I share an important stoic exercise that I learned from Marcus Aurelius.

Read: Stop Extrapolating Your Perceptions (3-min read)

I also share a simply strategy that you can use to prevent yourself from getting lost in your perceptions and judgments.

I hope you find it useful! Thanks for reading!

Stop Extrapolating Your Perceptions

September 20, 2018

I bet that you’re extrapolating your perceptions all the time. Let me give you a few examples and tell whether I’m wrong.

“House prices will probably keep increasing.”

“That person will never change.”

“My business will keep growing.”

“I will never learn from my mistakes.”

“He doesn’t like me.”

We often have these type of thoughts multiple times a day. The root of this problem is our quick judgment.

Humans are very fast thinkers. But how fast do we even think?

Scientists have quantified the speed of light and sound, but when it comes to thoughts, it’s not that easily measured.

Researchers that did experiments with measuring the speed of thought, found the following: Thoughts can be generated and acted upon within 150 milliseconds.

If that’s really true, we’re faster than the load time of Google. The median load time for Google.com on mobile is currently 600 ms.

We’re Fast Thinkers

But that doesn’t mean we should follow through on every single thought that pops into our mind.

Have you ever tried measuring how many random thoughts that pop up in your mind? Just do a simple experiment. For the rest of the day, be aware of your thoughts.

Don’t follow through. Every time you start thinking about future events or start making mental movies, keep count on a post-it note or small piece of paper.

I did it one day at the office. It looked like this:

Read more …

Stop Extrapolating Your Perceptions – Darius Foroux

https://dariusforoux.com/extrapolating-perceptions/

🖖🏼 live long and prosper

The 5 stages of bouncing back from a challenge

The 5 stages of bouncing back from a challenge

An article from Karen Salmansohn

I’ve written about my recovery from emotional trauma ( a sexual assault) in my Bounce Back Book.

I confessed it took me a while to bounce back into myself again.

I found one day I was fine – then – the next day I was curled up in the fetal position on my sofa.

I soon discovered healing from grief is a yo-yo-ing process of recovery.

I wound up going through 5 stages before I truly bounced back into “me” again.

Actually, 6 stages if you include “The Chocolate Stage.” 🙂

Join me over at NotSalmon Magazine where I share more about these 5 stages of healing from grief and trauma.

When you’re done, join the conversation in the comments section.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on these 5 stages – and if you can relate!

xo, Karen

HOW TO HEAL FROM UNBEARABLE GRIEF

I’ve written about my recovery from emotional trauma ( a sexual assault) in a few places on my site –like in this particular essay – and – like in this essay – and in my Bounce Back Book.

I’ve confessed that it was a zig-zagging process of recovery. For a long time I delayed my healing – believing I was being strong – but I was simply avoiding the “core pain truth” of what I was feeling.

Eventually I realized I was going through many of the same emotions that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross describes in her five stages of accepting the death of a loved one.

Kübler-Ross outlined the five stages of grief as follows:

Stage #1: Denial and isolation: “This is not happening to me.”

Stage #2: Anger: “How dare this happen to me.”

Stage #3: Bargaining: “Just let me get X and I won’t care about Y,” or “If this doesn’t happen, I promise to . . .”

Stage #4: Depression: “I can’t bear to face going through this.”

Stage #5: Acceptance: “I’m ready; I don’t want to struggle anymore.”

Read more …

How To Heal From Unbearable Grief – Karen Salmansohn

https://www.notsalmon.com/2015/05/13/emotional-trauma/

🖖🏼 live long and prosper

Someday … When?

Someday … When?

Nature compels us all to move through life.

We cannot remain stationary no matter how much we wish.

A key to unlock the door to your greatest dreams.

You know… When people talk about their dreams, it often has the word “Someday” attached to it.

“Someday, I will find the special one…”

“Someday I will be rich…”

“Someday I will travel around the world.”

I mean… it’s fine if that’s your vision, and you are putting in massive action to achieve it…

But many of the people I know, are just dreaming of the outcome, but waiting for the perfect start… and they just don’t start.

Guess what, the best time to start is now.

It’s not perfect, but without putting a step forward, you stay in place. Every single day.

Do something huge everyday to move yourself closer.

Want to be a rock star guitarist? Go buy your guitar today!

Take inspired action to open up the pathway to your dreams.

Unlock your biggest dreams.

You have the power, ability and skill to inspire and make a difference, so what are you waiting for, get out and share it. – Ricardo Housham

You are stronger than any situation. You are stronger than any doubt. You are stronger than everyone else thinks you are, stronger than you were yesterday. You can do whatever it is you want, whatever you decide you are going to do. Now, what are you waiting for? – Unknown

🖖🏼 live long and prosper

You Are Loved ..,

You Are Loved ..,

Your mind is a powerful broadcasting system.

The more you transmit powerful, positive energy…

The more you receive that as well.

If you want to be filled with as much love, wealth, and prosperity,

Start open your heart to receive.

Everything is waiting for you.

Today, I want you to open your heart to the unbounded, limitless, overflowing abundance of God’s blessing’s, healing, and miracles.

21 Positive Thinking Quotes to Live By

https://www.goodmorningquote.com/positive-thinking-quotes/

🖖🏼 live long and prosper

When was the last time?

When was the last time?

For those lucky enough to have their parents still with them…

When was the last time you told your parents how grateful you are just for being their children?

When was the last time you told your parents how sorry you are for the troubles you have caused in the past?

When was the last time you looked at your parents and said in your heart, “Thank God for these people”?

When was the last time you hugged your parents and said, “Thank you for the love and care you’ve given me, I love you so much”?

When was the last time you bought a present for your parents outside their birthday?

When was the last time you prayed for your parents?

When was the last time you made your parents proud of your achievements?

When was the last time you thought to bring your parents with you when you saw an ad about some nice place?

When was the last time you said to your parents, “Ok guys, relax now, today is my turn to clean the house”?

When was the last time you were on your way home with nothing else on your mind but the thought of seeing your parents?

When was the last time you’ve proudly told your friends about how great your parents are?

When was the last time you thought about all these things?

Remember, your parents did all this for you, long before you could say a word. They did it, not because they had to, but because they loved you and they will keep doing it again and again, always and forever.

For them, loving you is like breathing, how can they stop?

40 Best Parents Quotes with Images — TheFreshQuotes

https://www.thefreshquotes.com/parents-quotes/

🖖🏼 live long and prosper

A List Of 8 Core Values I Live By

A List Of 8 Core Values I Live By

September 17, 2018

What are your core values? Even if you haven’t thought about that question, you still have values.

The problem is that most of us adopt the values of other people. That’s why we often get a personal crisis and say, “who am I?”

Well, the good news is that the answers all lie within you. It just takes self-awareness to uncover your own core values.

I recently sat down to define my values. Before that, I knew what mattered to me, but I never wrote it down. And I’m glad I did. It gives you more clarity.

In today’s article, I share my values and also share more about how you can define your own.

Read: A List Of 8 Core Values I Live By (3-min read)

Enjoy!

And like always, have a great week. Go after your goals.

Your character is defined by values. And your core values are the result of your behavior. Aristotle said it best:

“Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting in a particular way.”

For example, when you always tell the truth, you become an honest person. It’s as simple as that. And yet, we collectively underestimate the importance of values.

We think our values have everything to do with how we are perceived. But that’s not why values matter.

Values have a great impact on our inner world. They define us. They form the foundation of our character.

And since you have to live with yourself, your values should be one of the most important things in your life.

But what if you don’t have values? Or what if you’ve never thought about setting your own core values? There are great risks involved with living without values.

You risk become a faceless human that becomes indistinguishable from every single other faceless person that has ever lived. And before you know it, you adopt the values of other people.

That’s how we become dependent on our parents, friends, or spouse. We can’t let our identity depend on the identity of someone else.

That’s why recently sat down to define my own personal core values to get things straight for myself. I recommend you to do the same. Once you know who you are in life, you stop trying to be who you are not. That gives you tranquility.

Here are my values:

Authenticity—Be the same person at every occasion in life. Don’t act differently in front of your parents, friends, co-workers, in-laws, and strangers. Stay your true self. And never be afraid of other people’s judgments.

Truthfulness—Tell the truth. Always. Especially when it comes to your own life. Don’t have money? Don’t pretend that you’re wealthy. Never went to college? Own it. Be honest about who you are and what you’ve done. You’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror with pride.

Joyfulness—Life is short. Do things that bring you joy. And NEVER do something you hate for longer than is necessary. Enjoy the small things. Music, other people, working out, walking, laying down, reading, and so forth.

Curiosity—Get to the bottom of everything that you do. Not because you must. But because it’s fun to know things. Life is fascinating. Acknowledge it. And then, try to understand it. But leave it at trying. Some things can’t be understood. But you can still admire it.

Responsibility—Own your actions, mistakes, and current life situation. Understand what’s in your control, and fully own it. Don’t like something? Change it. But don’t take responsibility for things that are not on your plate. Focus on yourself. What other adults do is not your concern, nor your responsibility.

Love—Build intimate and deep relationships with a few people. Depth matters more than breadth. Spend more time with your spouse than your co-workers. Get to know your siblings on a deeper level. Have two or three friends that you spend your time with. Love your family. The people you see every day should get your highest priority.

Fearlessness—Don’t fear the future. And don’t be afraid of what people you don’t care about think of you. Only care about what you and the people you love think about you. Everything else is noise. Have dignity. Do the right thing and don’t fear the rest.

Loyalty—Even though you might not see your old friends, co-workers, team members, stay loyal. Once you build a bond with someone, don’t break it unless it’s necessary. But most importantly, stay loyal to yourself. Never sacrifice your own mental well-being for others. Treat yourself like you treat someone you love.

I don’t need more or fewer values than this. The list is long enough to live a rich, strong, and fearless life. And it’s short enough to remind yourself of these things.

Remember: Your values must be in line with who you are.

Never copy someone else’s values or search for “core values list” on Google. Inspiration is okay—but copying is not.

Look inside yourself. Cultivate self-awareness (I’ve created a list of 20 questions that can help with that).

Find the values that already exist inside of you—and strengthen them. John C. Maxwell, the author of The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership, said it best:

“When values, thoughts, feelings, and actions are in alignment, a person becomes focused and character is strengthened.”

Pick your values. Stick to them. And watch as your character is formed. Once that happens, you’ll never want to be anything else but yourself.

A List Of 8 Core Values I Live By – Darius Foroux

https://dariusforoux.com/core-values/

🖖🏼 live long and prosper